Wednesday, February 12, 2003

 
uno mas cervesa...i heard this song yesterday and the chorus is just stuck in my head...i need to pop a cd in i guess and bannish it...

i had the most difficult time deciding what to wear this morning...nearly everything was clean...i think that means i should have remained in lounge wear (and remained home!!) or perhaps even that i should have remained naked...and remained home...

for one of my email lists, for lesbian buddhists, i have volunteered to provide the quote of the day for wednesdays...i like this because i have taken something in my readings that has somehow spoken to me, and shared it with the list, which then brings feedback from various women, soome with opinions not the same as mine...it opens up some good conversation...it also allows me to examint the text a little more closely as i am typing it in phrase by phrase...today i sent an essay from Awakening the Buddha Within by Lama Surya Das...the section on Ethics Training, Step Four: Right
Action...titled "Refrain From Unwholesome Sexual Misconduct"...i think it is important to not take the teaching out of context, so i am posting it here and would really appreciate more thoughts from others on this whether it be in my comments or in email or yahoo IM...

Sexual energy pulses in almost everything we do. As one of my teachers once said to me long ago, "Sex is part of life." When I was a young man living like a monk in a monastery in the Himalayas, it was a big relief to hear this from a Tibetan master who was a celibate monk. While sex itself can bring joy, pleasure, intimacy, and even transcendence, sexual repression, sexual identity, sexual preference, and semiconscious sexual behavior often bring conflicts. The Buddha recognized this by embracing and advocating celibacy as one extraordinary method for simplifying life. However he also realized that not everyone can be a monk or a nun, nor would that be desirable for
society as a whole. He instructed avowed monastics to be true to their celibacy vows by sublimating the personal human longing for union and a home into a more transpersonal longing for a higher form of union and homecoming. For lay people, the Buddha advocated restraint through moderation, commitment, and responsibility, and he exhorted us to refrain from sexual misconduct.

The Buddha talked about several activities that he considered unwholesome and out of harmony with truth and reality: adultery, forced or violent sex, sex with a minor. We can be fairly certain that he would have also considered unwholesome any sexual activity that was addictive, exploitive, deceitful, unsafe, irresponsible, or downright harmful.

In these days of shifting sexual mores, there are many new issues: teen pregnancy, wide-scale sexual experimentation, serial monogamy, and life-threatening sexually transmitted diseases, to name just a few. In the past many religions founded in patriarchal societies - Buddhism included - have looked askance at certain forms of sexual behavior such as masturbation and homosexual sex. Yet most contemporary Dharma teachers feel these behaviors are within bounds and karmically workable. Without discarding the underlying values of sanity, love, and decency, I think today's world asks that we review all of our old positions from an honest, compassionate, nonjudgmental
point of view, and take a fresh look at sexual relationships as well as sexual identity. This is oneway we can help keep the Dharma alive for all of us.

Many of us still struggle with an inclination to treat sex as though it were seperate and disconnected form who we are. Weren't the majority of us raised to believe that what goes on behind closed bedroom doors is disconnected from everyday reality, as though it should remain hidden in shadow? Don't we still tend to talk about unconscious sexual drives as though sex is governed by different rules of behavior than everything else we do? If we are going to experience our lives as sacred, we must be open to the
possibility of considering sexuality as part of our spiritual evolution. It's important that we all learn to communicate about our sexual feelings in a wholesome nonjudgmental fashion in order to avoid hypocritical chasms between our words and our actions.

As with other activities, some personal scrutiny and self-inquiry regarding the nature of our sexual behavior, feelings, and relationships could be extremely rewarding. One might wonder: Do we have ego needs that are all wrapped up and mixed in with our sexual identity and sex appeal? Does sexuality sometimes dominate our life? When we find someone attractive, what is our real motivation and intent - will we be joyful and caring, or exploitive and caring? Would we sometimes do almost anything for
sexual gratification? Is the sex we are having mutual, or is it one-sided? Are we engaging in behavior that is addictive, deceptive, exploitive, or emotionally or physically abusive? Is it spontaneous, or did it "just happen - as if by accident"? Is it natural, is it appropriate, is it intimate, is it responsible, is it loving? Do our sexual needs cause us to tune out reality or sanity? Do we ever treat others as sexual objects, and in so doing fail to see that they are real people with real feelings? Do we find ourselves lying, telling half-truths, or concocting stories about our sex lives? Do we preach honesty and practice deception? These are important questions to reflect on.